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Sexual Abuse Survivor's Poetry
Some of this poetry may be triggering to some, so if you know you are likely to be affected please make sure you have someone as a support or that you can call someone if needbe. I really urge you to take care when reading these.
I Have To Say GoodbyeThere's something that I need to tell you
And I know it will break your heart through
But its been eating away at me for so long
I have to say goodbye for I don't feel I belong
Please don't try to call me, I won't answer
Don't visit me either because I won't be there
I have to say goodbye and I know it seems unfair
But if you respect it, you'll be showing you care
I can't bare to play this emotional game you play
It breaks my heart you don't see it but how do I say
Your so blind to everything that has happened
And now I have to say goodbye, I can't pretend
You've always had so much power over me
But now I really need to set myself free
I could never be that "Perfect Daughter" you want
So please let me say goodbye and leave
Please don't try to call me, I won't answer
Don't visit me either because I won't be there
I have to say goodbye and I know it seems unfair
But if you respect it, you'll be showing you care
You never held my heart, instead you crushed it
I was put down so much that I thought I deserved it
And those years of betrayal hurt me so much
And when that came out, I never even got a hug
There's something that I need to tell you
And I know it will break your heart through
But it breaks my heart to stay here
For I don't belong here, I have so much fear
Please don't try to call me, I won't answer
Don't visit me either beause I won't be there
I have to say goodbye and I know it seems unfair
But if you respect that, you'll show you care
I really have to say goodbye now
Please just let me walk out that door
- Written by Libby - Submitted: 20/11/2000
The Hope I've Found In SufferingLove and understanding, compassion and concern
We yearn to touch another and share what we have learned
To ease the pain of many to open hearts and minds
To educate and sensitize, to break those chains that bind
To topple walls of fear and hate, embrace the light of faith
To realize you're not alone, that there's a better place
Suffering exists to teach what we may not have learned
In any other place or time, nor otherwise discern
Adversity, affliction, discomfort and distress
We sometimes lose our footing and backslide or regress
Within each other's company there's love to see you through
Support and understanding to uplift and comfort you
- Written by Becky - Submitted: 05/11/2000 Winter62b@excite.com
Website: Abuse Survivors Resources
YESTERDAY IS GONE Shadow-dancing with the ghosts of haunted childhood years
The rhythm of my beating heart pounding in my ears
Stolen slumber, silent screams, footsteps in the hall
Faceless spectres walk the night, pressed against the wall
Silent prayers of little girls sent to God in song
Twinkle Twinkle little star, Yesterday is gone.
Never must I cry out loud, they must never see
Keeping family secrets is slowly killing me
- Written by Becky - Submitted: 05/11/2000 Winter62b@excite.com
Website: Abuse Survivors Resources
I Know Your Secret Dad, I know your secret
Now I finally understand our family too
I found out about it and I don't feel regret
Why did you have to keep it a secret too?
Who was it that hurt you so much?
I think I know but I want to hear it from you
Not only did you let them get away with it
But you had to do it to me too
Now I know why we don't see your family
It was so you could forget all about them
So you'd have a family of your own so happily
But you didn't count on me bringing it all out
I intend to expose all the bad stuff
And I'm not just calling your bluff
I need to get this all out in the open now
Instead of following your example somehow
Dad, I know your secret
And maybe you'll feel a lot of regret
But that doesn't change any of our past
I'm going to finish this secret at last
- Written by Libby - Submitted: 04/11/2000
Poison Your dose of poison
I took with love
And child-heart trust
I carry it today
My badge of courage
My shield of strength
It hurts inside
I am too tired to fight
I feel old and used at 28
Will anyone understand?
All that I did
I did for you
Daddy's little whore
And the shadow
Will it ever fade??
I cannot remember an innocent time
But i fake naivte--
The born pro in theatre prop
His hands hurt me
So I look to hers
A little comfort, a little love...
Mothers, sisters, lovers
Woven together by the moon and the womb
And our spirit of healing
Lost in the world of men
Where my insides tell me they could NEVER understand
The misused, abused, discarded, overlooked, broken
piece of property
That should have been a child...
- Written by Laura
My SistersMy Sisters, we have joined the fight
The everlasting war
To break the chains they call their right
Don't we have rights ourselves??
My anger led me here today
For my memories have not died
I try to sleep, I try to dream
Of peace shared by all woman-kind
And yet in the darkest hours of night
When the quiet I yearn for is lost;
His anger, his wrath, his needs for this body
That I never even had the chance to give!!!
They all come back to haunt my soul
And remind of this fight we must win;
The Freedom of my Sisters---
Shouldn't we have the choice if we're to give???
- Written by Laura
Terror The white-light terror
of an open soul
Tempts the cowardice in us all
But what color is love painless??
Life unlived; a woman untouched; a need which refuses to be felt...
I have walked the road of the unkown
I have bled in it's cruelty alone
My choice; my choice, MY Choice is...
No More
- Written by Laura
When I was a Little GirlWhen I was a little girl, I wanted to be loved.
But you loved me in all the wrong ways
and now I don't want to be loved anymore.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be held.
But you held me inappropriately
and now I don't want to be held anymore.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be needed.
But you needed me for your perverse pleasures
and now I don't want to be needed anymore.
When I was a little girl, I thought I was pretty.
But you used me in ways that made me feel ugly and dirty
and now I don't think I'm pretty anymore.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be special.
But your way of making feel special was to hurt me and
now I don't want to be special anymore.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to get married when I grew up.
But you left me feeling afraid of men
and now I don't want to get married anymore.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be myself.
But you took away my sense of identity
and now I don't want to be myself anymore.
When I was a little girl, I didn't want to be hurt.
But you hurt me
and now I miss that little girl I never got the chance to be.
- Written by Angie Chosen_By_God@hotmail.com
Times
There are times when it all seems too hard, times when I want to give up, times when I want to quit the fight and stop the healing, times when it all seems so hopeless and unending, times when I don't care anymore about anything, and times when I simply don't want to go on.
But then;
There are times when the hard suddenly seems easier, times when I know I won't give up, times I realize I can't quit the fight and I've got to go on healing, times when I can clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel, times when I care so much I believe I can make a difference, and times when I know God has given me the strength to go on.
- Written by Angie Chosen_By_God@hotmail.com
The ABC's of Sexual AbuseA is for abuse - it happened and it hurt me more than anyone will every know.
B is for betrayal - a feeling that cuts to the bone.
C is for confusion - I never knew what to think.
D is for denial - a tool to help me escape the pain.
E is for empathy - because now I care even more.
F is for forgiveness - will it happen, can I do it?
G is for guilt - something I feel so strongly at times, but know I shouldn't.
H is for horror - the reaction to what was done to me.
I is for ignorance - a quality that many people in this world possess.
J is for justice - will the punishment ever fit the crime?
K is for knowing - believing it happened and deciding to face it.
L is for loneliness - thinking that no one cares or understands how I'm feeling.
M is for minimizing - another mechanism that helps me to cope.
>N is for normal - something I'll never be again.
O is for offender - the title given to man who should only be known as my grandfather.
P is for perverse - one word used to describe his actions against me.
Q is for quiet - something I remained for many years, but refuse to be any longer.
R is for remembering - definitely the hardest and most difficult aspect of healing.
S is for sadness - the way I feel about all that was taken from me.
T is for tears - the few I've shed so far and the many more I know are to come.
U is for unbroken - the state in which my spirit will always be.
V is for victim - a title I will never use to describe me, I'm a survivor.
W is for willpower - a positive characteristic I have gained from my experience.
X is for x-ray - one taken of my heart and soul would reveal the many scars that will remain forever.
Y is for youth - a period of my life robbed from me before I got the chance to experience it.
Z is for zigzag - a word used to describe the path of healing.
- Written by Angie Chosen_By_God@hotmail.com
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